If your child cries whenever they get frustrated, tries to back out of scheduled activities at the last minute or constantly picks fights with their sibling, you may become worried -- especially if these are new behaviors. How can you tell if your child’s emotional or behavioral struggles are normal changes as they grow up or signs of a mental health concern?
Children often communicate their emotions through behaviors. If they can’t describe what’s bothering them, they may look sad, be inattentive or disrespectful. But every outburst isn’t a sign of a mental health problem. For many children, these feelings and actions are part of normal development. If there’s a big change or a loss, kids may have intense behaviors for a short time.
Concerning behavior that lasts for several weeks, or that seems to improve and then gets dramatically worse may need additional attention.
If you’re worried that your child may have a mental health concern, follow these steps:
Observe their moods and behaviors
Keep notes of the frequency of the mood and behaviors with specific dates and details:
- Notice how often your child acts a certain way. Once or twice a week is likely typical for a child, but if a worrisome behavior occurs most days, it may warrant further investigation.
- Also note how long your child experiences an emotion or behavior. If they move on after a few minutes, that may be reasonable. If they don’t calm down after a lengthier period, even with your help, further evaluation may be needed.
- Finally, the severity of your child’s behavior is also important. Do they cause small disruptions or bring situations to a standstill? If their actions interfere with family time, school instruction, play dates or other activities, you may want to investigate further.
By this stage, you may realize that your child’s worrisome behaviors happen infrequently, pass quickly and don’t interfere with your child’s ability to thrive. Or you discover concerning patterns that warrant further investigation. If this happens:
Ask others for input
When your initial observations reveal worrisome patterns, talk to other adults in your child’s life. Your child may act differently in structured settings, like school or sports teams. See if they’re demonstrating the same behaviors with teachers, coaches, grandparents or babysitters. If so, are their disruptions shorter or longer than at home? Do they occur more or less frequently? Do other adults have techniques that help calm your child?
If you find that the behaviors are consistent across settings and have been happening for over 2 weeks, consider meeting with a professional.
Seek help from a trusted source
Visit your child’s pediatrician or school staff to discuss your concerns. Be as specific as possible. Bring your detailed notes. Mention any recent changes that may have impacted your child, like a death or divorce. If you’ve noticed changes in your child’s diet, sleep habits or physical activity levels, share that as well. The doctor or school staff may offer helpful suggestions, or they may refer your child to a specialist, or recommend testing or screening.
Following up on your concerns may end up being confirmed as normal development, but it may be what’s needed to get your child the help needed to manage a mental health condition.